Category Archives: Observations

Sadder, yes. Wiser, maybe.

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A woman I know, owner of her own business, single mother of two, and a kind, cheerful, truly good person, has just had her heart broken. And it makes me really angry.

“Lynn”, who hadn’t dated anyone for five years, met the man in question online. Normally, this could be a red flag in itself, but one of her clients vetted him through her own company, and Lynn proceeded to get to know “Ted” over the course of nine months, discovering a lot in common, making plans, and developing a deep connection.

Ted apparently worked for a shipping company and was posted overseas. The couple FaceTimed daily from his location, which seems to be legitimate. It all fell apart a week ago when he was due to return to the US and visit her, at which point he suddenly stopped returning calls and text messages.

Is Ted married? One would think so: someone away from home who thought an innocent flirtation would help pass the time? Or is he a sociopath who constructed an elaborate web of lies, replete with fake background images? It doesn’t matter.

I’m sad that this lovely woman is hurt, embarrassed, and feels humiliated. She says, “At 50, I should know better.” I tried to assure her that trusting someone and assuming the best doesn’t make you a fool, it makes you normal. How would we navigate life if we were always suspicious and cynical? Easier said than done, though, right?

I told Lynn a bit of my own story: an ex-husband who lied, stole, cheated, and stole some more, all without one bit of regret. Luckily, one divorce and four years later at age 58, I finally connected with the right person. Being trustworthy is, in my opinion, the single most attractive characteristic a partner can have. The rest is gravy.

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Thumbs Up/Thumbs Down

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I love reading people’s Rants and Raves. Here are a few of mine this week.

THUMBS DOWN to a local (not inexpensive!) restaurant that adds a 3.5% service charge for paying with a credit card without noting this on their menu or website, or posting it prominently at the entrance, as the law requires. We’d all been enjoying dinner until this unpleasant surprise, compounded by the server telling us “everyone does it”, which is simply not the case.

Unfortunately, we won’t be going back.

THUMBS UP to another nice restaurant in the area that doesn’t charge customers who use credit cards, telling us they consider it one of their business costs. (On a related note, I wish restaurants in the US would pay their staff more and price “service” into their bottom line, as is common in Europe.)

THUMBS UP to whoever invented pre-washed vegetables and salad. And a hearty THUMBS DOWN to whoever invented those horrible, non-biodegradable, stick-to-everything, packing “peanuts”.

THUMBS DOWN to ink cartridges with the lifespan of a mayfly.

THUMBS DOWN to whoever cancelled our upgraded seats for an upcoming trip. (The airline blames the cruise company and the cruise company faults the airline. Hmm.) THUMBS UP to the airline agent who spent 45 minutes on the phone sorting out the issue and reinstating our seats. They’re not nearly as good as the original ones, since almost nothing is available now, but she worked wonders.

This ‘n That

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Happy New Year, everyone!

January is the time for resolutions, so these are my fashion promises to myself, inspired by the ever-delightful Lady Sarah’s blog:

  1. I will not save my “good” stuff for special occasions; I will create opportunities to use and enjoy them
  2. I will purge my wardrobe of items I don’t wear, except for things I will wear when I:
  3. Lose those pesky pandemic pounds
  4. I will avoid sale temptation, unless it’s something I truly need and would buy at full price
  5. I will not kid myself that something that looks fabulous on a 20-year-old model or “influencer” will look the same on a septuagenarian

Abruptly changing topics:

Recently, friends got rid of their massage chair because it made “weird” noises. I immediately wondered: “Weird, how? Did it moan, or what?!” And can we expect similar commentary from other home items, e.g., a burping refrigerator, a computer that shrieks when it reveals our bank balance, a coffee machine that gets progressively louder if one drinks too much caffeine??

The mind boggles. Time to rearrange my closet.

Quit While You’re Behind

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Liz Truss, the UK prime minister, has resigned after only 45 days. While she’s been roundly criticized for her policies, I believe she should be applauded for reminding us of something important: Cutting Your Losses.

Would that more politicians would quit once they’ve passed their sell-by dates, rather than clinging barnacle-like to constituencies they barely serve.

And what about those everyday jobs employing people who are totally unqualified? (I’m looking at you, nameless installer of bathroom cabinets with unevenly-spaced handles that have to be replaced.) Or truly bad cooks. Or the talentless actors who survive on bit parts hoping for the big break that never comes. Surely, those folks have other talents and would be happier and better-suited to other positions.

This also goes for bad relationships. Admit failure — or even chronic dissatisfaction — , CYL and walk away.

Thanks, Liz, and good luck in your next career.

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In Praise of Spontaneity

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Recently, some friends who happened to be in the neighborhood stopped by on the off chance we might be home (which, happily, we were).

It made me realize how rare this is; generally, a ringing doorbell indicates either an Amazon delivery or that our trash can lids have blown open.

In my ever-faulty memory, it seems to me that neighbors used to stop by unannounced with some frequency, especially when we were kids. But this has gone the way of the dodo, thanks to crime, COVID, and other modern inconveniences.

I must confess I would never just show up — I might text to see if somewhere were home or if it was a convenient time to receive visitors — but I kinda think that’s a shame.

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Does Your Blog Ever Make You Feel Guilty?

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I’m continually in awe of all of you who post regularly no matter what! Much as I love to write and hear from those of you who make time to respond, I sometimes just can’t seem to fit it in. And I don’t even have the excuse of a full-time job!

Although I heartily dislike the whole concept of “guilt”, it does nag at me that I haven’t kept my bargain with myself. (Never mind the pandemic pounds I haven’t lost either.)

Take last week. A hastily-arranged trip to Texas to see family was followed by an equally hasty return to host, first, a visit with dear friends we don’t see often enough and then several intense days (Highs! Lows! Seafood! Cocktails!) with my two wonderful stepdaughters. All absolutely enjoyable but with no spare energy for the computer.

On a related note, have any of you watched the series “Guilt” currently in Season 2 on PBS in the US (which presumably aired before this in the UK)? Of course those guys are stealing, lying, murdering, etc., which makes me feel better about my own minor infractions. There’s guilt and then there’s GUILT.

Have a great week! xx Alisa

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Does the “E” in E-mail Stand for Endless?!?

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Lately, my inbox has become a game of whack-a-mole.

No sooner do I delete, say, a dozen messages — not a single one announcing that a distant relative has bequeathed me a sprawling, all-expenses-paid estate in the Cotswolds — than another two dozen appear.

And spam filters never seem to catch the nasty varmints. ARRGGHHH.

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Quickly’s Believe It or Not

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Whew, dear readers. After weeks of inactivity (blog-wise, that is) I have recently noticed more and more “can this be true?” events in the world.

You’ve probably seen the news story of actress Anne Heche driving out of control and hitting some unlucky woman’s house, causing it to burst into flames and destroying all of her possessions.

While Ms. Heche’s subsequent intubation and mental health issues may deserve sympathy too, here’s what has me shaking my head: WHY does the woman whose house was crashed into need a GoFundMe page to get her life back together, rather than millionaire Ms. Heche’s family immediately offering to pay what’s necessary??

And on a different note (literally), I was driving the other day and an old Eric Clapton song, “I can’t stand it” came on the radio.

My question: Who on God’s green earth would EVER cheat on Eric Clapton?!?

The mind boggles.

When Bad Bread Happens to Good Restaurants

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I hope this is not a new trend. In recent weeks, Dear Husband and I have eaten at two excellent restaurants with truly inferior bread. What gives??

First up, Toulouse — a lovely French/Creole place in Seattle, where one would expect to find good sourdough or certainly an acceptable baguette. Instead, we got flabby structure and squishy crust; mon Dieu!

Then, last week, a local place on the Oregon coast — the Bay House — which has a relaxing ambiance, superb service, and beautiful food (see below) — with this notable exception. Hey, if it’s too humid, pop the loaf in an oven to crisp it up! I’m tempted to bring my own sourdough next time. Think they’d mind?

At the Bay House, DH’s beet salad starter was a work of art
As was my halibut— those green shapes are pea purée

Bread lovers of the world, unite! And what’s your pet peeve when eating out, dear readers?

The Curse of Almost

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Six little letters that can change your life:

“You almost got the job” (Translation: You were second out of a zillion applicants).

“You were almost accepted” … to the club, college, team, etc.

“You almost made the flight”… and now you’ll be stuck at the airport lounge eating stale peanuts for three hours.

This sneaky little word can encapsulate the difference between success and failure, or, in the case of our never-ending home renovation, the difference between ”livable” and ”not exactly”.

When our well-meaning neighbors ask, ”Is the house finished?”, no doubt wondering how in hell this remodel has taken a year and a half and counting, we generally answer ”almost”. As in, we still don’t have shower doors in two of the bathrooms because, well, somehow they were measured incorrectly. Twice. And no ovens, because they were “only” ordered nine months ago. Oh, and an unusable bath tub because the tub filler was set too far away from the tub so water splashes all over the floor and needs to be replaced. I could go on, but you get the picture.

On the other hand, ”almost” could have magical powers, e.g., ”The bullet almost pierced your lungs/spine/brain” or ”That car almost plowed right into you”.

If only this were one of those good ”almosts”. Grrrr.

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