Monthly Archives: June 2018

How To Avoid Fighting During a Move

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You can’t! Arguments are inevitable; just accept it.

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We’re currently in packing hell, surrounded by boxes, bubble wrap and furniture that suddenly grew three sizes when we weren’t looking.

To minimize the inevitable stress that arises when two strong-willed people want to do things their own way, I’m attempting to adopt these 10 simple rules:

  1.  Start every day by saying that no matter how much your partner will irritate you in the hours ahead, you love and forgive them in advance.
  2. Limit your fights to once per day.
  3. Tell your partner they’re right, no matter how idiotic their suggestion is.
  4. Work in different parts of the house.
  5. Don’t roll your eyes.
  6. Have two tape rollers, markers and other materials so you’re not waiting impatiently for the other person to finish putting their box together.
  7. Shower early and often.
  8. Ruthlessly donate anything and everything you don’t want to pack. And…
  9. Encourage your partner to get rid of ugly crap from another life, ideally without identifying it as “ugly crap”.
  10. Drink heavily at 5:00 or as soon as practical (some days, this could be lunchtime).

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Scenes From a Derm Convention

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Much as I dislike having my yearly skin check, I always enjoy chatting with my dermatologist, especially about the crazy things women (it’s mostly women) will do in our mostly futile attempts to defeat the march of time.

She had me laughing during my otherwise unpleasant squamous surgery with the following report.

Dr. D had recently attended a dermatology conference.  She said you could tell at a glance what everyone’s specialties were.  The cosmetic derms all had the age-indeterminate, inflated look you get when you have unlimited access to fillers, Botox and multiple procedures. Designer clothes, Jimmy Choos and Birkins were de rigueur. She observed a lot of air kisses with this group; a vigorous hug could potentially squash an implant or two.

Dr. D says about cosmetic work, “Never make the critical mistake of only looking at the mirror straight on.” We need to know how we look from all angles, lest we resemble a blowfish in heat.

In contrast, the doctors involved with serious medicine such as reconstruction for burn victims had the slightly distracted look of people who wished they were somewhere else.  They greeted each other with firm handshakes; no frivolous air kisses for these folks.

One of the lectures dealt with a client whose complaint was that her labia were uneven. (One wonders how she knew that.)  In any event, she’d had cosmetic surgery to repair the issue — I forgot to ask whether one side was inflated or the other side deflated. Next visit! But as Dr. D says, “If you’re with a man who loses interest at the point he can tell that your labia are uneven, you have much bigger problems!”

Finally, here is one of my favorite anecdotes:

One of Dr. D’s clients tried Botox and complained that it “didn’t work” and that she didn’t look any different. Her husband told Dr. D in confidence, “You’ve saved our marriage.”

Apparently, every time the poor man offered a suggestion about where to have dinner or something equally benign, his wife would scowl at him. To avoid an argument, he’d usually change the subject.

Now that she doesn’t scowl, he continues talking and is amazed how often she will be receptive or even agree with him!