Tag Archives: language

Modern Definitions

OCD:  Washing your hands more often than every 5 minutes.  Every 6 minutes is normal.

Paranoia:  Believing that COVID-19 was caused by aliens, when everyone knows it’s Obama’s fault.

Restaurant: A place to get take-out.

Intimacy: When people are within 4-6 feet of each other.

Books: The new version of movies.

Toilet paper:  The protective layer between you and the known universe.

Kindergarten: When two or more politicians get together.

Vacation:  Your alone time in the bathroom.

Fast Food:  Getting in and out of the supermarket as quickly as possible.

Reality:  Fantasy.

joker illustration

Photo by BROTE studio on Pexels.com

 

Miss Understood

If you couldn’t see how old someone was, one little difference would tell you whether he or she was a Baby Boomer or a Millennial: the way they respond when you say, “Thank you”.

Here’s a fascinating explanation of why those of us “of a certain age” reply, “You’re welcome” and go a little nuts when our kids respond, “No problem.”  Read on!

neon signage

Photo by Ivan Bertolazzi on Pexels.com

The Curmudgeon Chronicles

Although I believe in putting less negativity into the world, sometimes you just need to bitch a little. So today I’m going to sound like an old fuddy-duddy (a wonderful expression that first appeared in print around 1871) and share some observations that trouble me.

1) The dumbing-down of language. I should first admit that years of writing advertising copy have destroyed my prior knowledge of grammar and punctuation. (I now rationalize any errors as part of my “style”.) Some pet peeves:

  • The inability to differentiate “its” (possessive) from “it’s” (contraction of “it is”) and “lose” from “loose”
  • “I’m bored of…” vs.“bored with” – and why are you bored? You’re 22!!
  • “A couple” days/fuddy-duddies/etc. Where’s the “of”?
  • “Thanks for having me” vs. “inviting me”, unless it was indeed a sexual encounter
  • The overuse of “awesome”, which should be reserved for references to Yosemite, the pyramids, or God—not a latte with an extra shot

Check out the following job requirements I received from a recruiter:

“…High intellectual curiosity and hunger to learn in ambiguous environment.” Does this mean I’d be working in a place that looks like a dry cleaner but is actually a front for organized crime?

“Excellent written and vertical communication.” Are they asking the candidate to write while standing on a ladder? Having sex in a shower?

Also, when did “work stream” become a thing? Let’s reserve that for trout fishermen and gold miners.

2) The sorry state of education. In a recent survey, students at a Texas university did not know the name of our current Vice President, who won the Civil War, or when the American Revolution was fought (one student suggested 1677). However, all of these students knew the names of Brad Pitt’s current and former wives and what show Snooki was on. (Oops, I’ve ended with a preposition. It’s not easy being the Word Police!)

3) Breathless weather reportage. Haven’t we always had floods, snow, etc.? Today’s descriptions remind me of olives: “huge”, “gigantic”, “colossal”….

4) Hold times so long I could bake a cake from scratch while I wait for my utility, bank or Internet “provider” to pick up. Adding insult to injury, when I finally reach a human, he or she usually can’t “provide” a solution so I have to call back.

5) AT&T. You sign up for a monthly plan. Yet somehow every bill remains different, despite the fact that we never order a single movie or call exotic countries. WTF?!

Whew; venting is hard work! Please share your own pet peeves below and once you’ve gotten them off your chest, let’s all enjoy another glorious day!