Tag Archives: entertainment

And the Oscar Goes to…

Yay, it’s the Academy Awards! — the ultimate insider spectacle where overpaid actors dress up in borrowed finery to congratulate each other for winning a trophy that will boost their income by several zillion on every subsequent film.

Back in the days before high-priced stylists and a “tightly scripted” 3-hour-plus running time, the Oscars were much more fun. (Who can forget,”You like me, you really like me!”)

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Nowadays, it’s all so predictable; no one-handed pushups or wardrobe malfunctions. Meh.

I’d much prefer to recognize the acting that goes on in everyday life. So here are this year’s nominees for Best Performance:

The maître d’: “Mais non, monsieur… the best tables are always next to the kitchen.”

The neighbor’s kid: “That window was already broken before my ball reached it.”

The dinner guest: “Mmm, this octopus-banana-zucchini casserole is really… creative.”

The colleague: “Your idea is so much better than mine!”

The hairdresser: “You’re not going grey. Those are silver highlights.”

The HR manager: “Nobody got a raise this year.”

The dry cleaner: “This shirt was missing buttons when it came in.”

The friend: “My skin secret? Just sunblock. I’d never even consider Botox!”

The delivery service: “We’re sorry we missed you.”

The spouse: “You’re as beautiful as the day we met.”

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Cue the orchestra!

 

Fall Lineup

Every year, the new TV season looks more and more like the previous year. Meanwhile, the networks order fewer and fewer episodes. Because, guess what – there’s much better programming on Netflix, Amazon Prime, BritBox, etc.

The problem is that network execs keep mining the same territory. Currently there are countless shows set in Chicago (Why not Dubuque or Roslyn, folks?) Dozens of shows about firemen, lawyers, and doctors. No wonder TV big shots keep rebooting classics like Murphy Brown and Magnum PI, and moaning that they’re losing share to reality shows.

There are tons of underrepresented professions that are full of drama and excitement. Here is my (Free! Unsolicited!) advice to the networks. If you guys start now, you can have your pilots all wrapped up in plenty of time to make it big next September.

Plumber’s Crack: Wise and witty plumber fixes sinks, toilets, broken hearts and dysfunctional families – one visit at a time. (You know this is fantasy because when is any household repair fixed in one trip?)

Lab Rat: Drama about the trials, toils and tribulations of a young assistant in the local college’s biology department. Academia is a fertile area for romance, backstabbing bosses and obsequious colleagues trying to get promoted even though the raise will be miniscule. Come on, people – it’s not just about law and med school!

Garbage Day: A mystery. In the search for the truth, intrepid garbage collector plows through all kinds of disgusting junk to find exculpatory evidence.

Techies: What better source for a new nerdy dramedy than a 60’s high school audio-visual club. Imagine the tension between the prom/football cliques and the guys without whom nobody can watch health ed instructional documentaries.

The Brazilian: Warm, caring aesthetician waxes philosophical as she hears all the intimate issues facing her clients. Every episode has a neat ending. Potential spinoff: “Eyebrow Guru”.

Play It As It Valets: Mix a swank resort, snooty guests, fancy cars and underpaid valets and you have a recipe for trouble!

Oh, the possibilities are endless.

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Images from Pixabay.com