Yay, it’s the Academy Awards! — the ultimate insider spectacle where overpaid actors dress up in borrowed finery to congratulate each other for winning a trophy that will boost their income by several zillion on every subsequent film.
Back in the days before high-priced stylists and a “tightly scripted” 3-hour-plus running time, the Oscars were much more fun. (Who can forget,”You like me, you really like me!”)
Nowadays, it’s all so predictable; no one-handed pushups or wardrobe malfunctions. Meh.
I’d much prefer to recognize the acting that goes on in everyday life. So here are this year’s nominees for Best Performance:
The maître d’: “Mais non, monsieur… the best tables are always next to the kitchen.”
The neighbor’s kid: “That window was already broken before my ball reached it.”
The dinner guest: “Mmm, this octopus-banana-zucchini casserole is really… creative.”
The colleague: “Your idea is so much better than mine!”
The hairdresser: “You’re not going grey. Those are silver highlights.”
The HR manager: “Nobody got a raise this year.”
The dry cleaner: “This shirt was missing buttons when it came in.”
The friend: “My skin secret? Just sunblock. I’d never even consider Botox!”
The delivery service: “We’re sorry we missed you.”
The spouse: “You’re as beautiful as the day we met.”
Cue the orchestra!