When it comes to your haircut, color, or nails, chances are you see the same person fairly often and develop a relationship.
It’s quite an intimate one — exchanging news about our lives and families — but can it go too far for what’s ultimately still a transactional relationship?
I was confronted with this recently when a new acquaintance revealed that she was looking for a new hair stylist. “L” said she’d given up on someone she’d been going to for 6 years when, at her last appointment in October, he was unsupportive of how she felt after the Hamas massacre. She said, “I want people to know me”, no matter the circumstances.
My reaction was mixed. I empathized with her feelings but think it was unwise at best to bring up such a hot-button topic, even if she anticipated that he’d react the same way she had. Why bring politics to the salon?
I was brought up in a family that was very private and didn’t believe in oversharing, the curse of the modern world IMHO. No matter how much I like my current “beauty team”, I simply don’t need (or want) everyone to be my best friend. So, while I’m happy to talk about many personal topics, there are some that just seem inappropriate. I go to the salon for a fun, lighthearted, relaxing experience, not to validate my opinions.
p.s. I don’t want to chat when I’m getting a massage, either!
Generations of children and spouses had it drilled into them to turn off the lights when they leave a room, whether to preserve the lifespan of the bulb, reduce the energy bill, or … both?
Here’s what Wirecutter experts say: The practice may have held merit for incandescent bulbs, which were terribly inefficient. But modern bulbs use so little energy that leaving them on doesn’t make a meaningful difference on bills. And, depending on the bulb, turning them off regularly won’t affect their lifespan, either. So don’t worry about flipping that switch on your way out.
I’ve met a lot of 55+ women lately who are grey from head to toe: hair, skin, drab shapeless clothing — although they all have vibrant personalities. And I’m wondering whether choosing not to adopt a flattering haircut — with or without color — or even a swipe of lipstick is meant as a signal that they are “serious people”.
Back in the day, my grandmother would describe being “put together” as “making an effort”. And I see this not only as a matter of self-respect but as respect for others, especially if you’re going to be a guest in someone’s home.
I’ve always been interested in fashion, including an early foray into costume design, and taken pleasure in clothes and accessories I find attractive. It’s less a question of pursuing youthfulness than simple enjoyment. That said, the inner me doesn’t want to look like an old hag, either.
Hats off to the 80+ year old woman I’ve been running into who flaunts brightly-dyed unnaturally red hair, a tangle of necklaces, and cheerful sweaters. Her appearance always makes me smile.
So I wonder if giving up on all that is supposed to be a badge of honor — “I have more important things to do/think about” or simply the result of not knowing how to look better or deciding — yes, I think it’s a decision — not to care.
This is true of men as well — hello, daily sweatpants — but culturally unsurprising.
Apfel celebrated her iconic 100th birthday in 2021, telling PEOPLE that she considers herself to be an Energizer Bunny who simply loves to work — which she did for her entire life.
“At 100, what else is there to do except sit around? I don’t play bridge. I don’t play golf. I love to work, and I really enjoy what I do,” she shared.
“The world can be a gray place, so colors, patterns and textures are a way to bring some fun to life. Same with makeup — I want my lipsticks to be as bright and bold as possible,” she told PEOPLE in August 2022.
PATRICK MCMULLAN/GETTY
Apfel has become known over the years for her love of colors — and her oversize black-framed glasses. The style icon never set out to be known for her glasses, though. It was purely happenstance. “I always thought eyeglass frames were very stylish accessories,” she told PEOPLE in 2015, adding that she liked to pick up unique frames at flea markets.
“People would say to me, ‘why are they so large?’ and I would say because they are good to see you,” she said, adding, “And that would shut them up.”
Carl and Iris Apfel in 2008. PATRICK MCMULLAN/GETTY
Though Apfel became a fashion giant in her twilight years, she spent her early years as an interior designer and textile expert. After marrying husband Carl Apfel in 1947, the two started Old World Weavers, a textile company that called the likes of Greta Garbo, Estée Lauder and Marjorie Merriweather Post their clients in the 1950s, according to The New York Times.
Together the Apfels did White House restorations for nine sitting presidents, though the couple took a backseat at the company in 1992 when Stark Carpet took over Old World Weavers.
It wasn’t until the 2000s when Apfel — who told the Guardian in 2018 that she’d like to be remembered as the “world’s oldest living teenager” — started to truly be recognized for her penchant for fashion. After decades of collecting pieces from flea markets and beyond, an exhibit of her fashion finds was opened at New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art.
Titled “Rara Avis,” the exhibit opened in 2005 featuring Apfel’s accessories along with fully styled looks she’d worn. She jokingly told The New York Times when the exhibit opened, “This is no collection. It’s a raid on my closet,” adding, “I always thought to show at the Met you had to be dead.”
Carl and Iris Apfel, cira 1970s. COURTESY IRIS APFEL
From there, she was the subject of a documentary called Iris in 2014, directed by Albert Maysles, and worked as a visiting professor at the University of Texas. She told Vogue in 2015 that the university asked her to help “beef up” their fashion program, which she did with gusto, showing the students that fashion isn’t always glamorous.
“I expose them to important jobs in licensing, styling, back-of-museum work, and on and on,” she said, adding that through her program, she would bring students to New York to show them an “intensive” week in the fashion capital. “It has just been mind-boggling for them. They just go bananas. And I’ve learned so much.”
Apfel was born on Aug. 29, 1921, in Queens, New York, and was preceded in death by her husband, who died in 2015 at age 100. She told PEOPLE in 2020 of his death, “We had done everything together and I was devastated.” However, she continued to work, going as far as calling herself a “workaholic.”
In the last decade of her life, Apfel got real about aging and why she continues to work past the point when many people choose to slow down. She told Today in 2022, “Oh, I love to work. It’s fun because I enjoy it. … I think retiring at any age is a fate worse than death. Just because a number comes up doesn’t mean you have to stop.”
She lived a busy, fulfilling life with no regrets, which she described to Harper’s Bazaar UK in early 2022. She reiterated that there’s nothing in life that she regrets or wishes she’d known earlier, adding, “I don’t live backwards or forwards; I live in the now.”
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