Amid news reports that our new president claimed his inaugural crowd was much larger than it was (perhaps confusing “protesters” with “celebrants”), here are a few of my favorite fibs:

“No, you didn’t wake me.”

“The pasta’s perfect. Nobody really likes it al dente.”

“This old thing? I got it on sale.”

“I’m not dating anyone else.”

“The check is in the mail.” (Harder to pull off now that everything’s electronic.)

“Bald men are sexier.”

“Are you kidding? I LOVE your mother!”

“I haven’t had any work done, it’s just good genes and sunblock.”

” I wish I could, but I’m busy.”

“It’s exactly what I wanted!”

“Of course I remembered to pick up the (mail, dry cleaning, children).” – Usually spoken while executing a dangerous U-turn at breakneck speed.

“You were my first.”

“You’re the best I’ve ever had.”

“It was already cracked.”

Have a wonderful week. And remember, you’re perfect just the way you are. Really! xoxoxo