This morning I received an email that leaves me speechless.
Nearly twenty years ago, my son’s friend suddenly and tragically developed lower-body paralysis that left him unable to walk. Of course, friends and family rallied around, donating time and money to help.
Since then, “C” has held down a steady job and gotten married. His wife works. His single mother continues to work and has an excellent income. This woman, someone I considered a friend in those years, pointedly dropped contact after I remarried, moved out of state, and ceased being “useful”. I haven’t heard from her in thirteen years. We are both on FaceBook and my birthday is two days before hers, so I know her lack of contact — even annual birthday wishes — is deliberate. Even when I’ve sent birthday wishes to her.
Back to this morning, when I received a group letter FundMe-type request to contribute to the cost of a new, $80,000 wheelchair-accessible van for the son, who is now nearly 40. WTF?!?
I am biting my lip and fingers to avoid sending her a blistering email in return, but am inclined to simply ignore it.
What would you do?
*”chutzpah” — roughly pronounced “hoots-pah”,ˈho͝otspə,ˈKHo͝otspə”, is a Yiddish word meaning nerve, gall, audacity, supreme self-confidence, and conspicuous boldness.
olderfatterhappierdotcom 
I’d thank her for making contact and ask why she hadn’t been in touch for so long.
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Ah, if only she’d appreciate the sarcasm. (Unless you didn’t mean this to be sarcastic, in which case you are a far nicer person than I am 🙂 )
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😂 I’m nice but that was still mildly sarcastic!
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I think that ignoring it is a good idea.
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That seems to be the prevailing viewpoint. Thanks, Neil! — Alisa
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To me, ignore the neglect and even contribute with a kind note. Better angels and all that stuff.
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I know what you mean, but I honestly feel it is highly inappropriate to ask/expect the general community to pay for something that I’m sure their extended family can afford. And there may be financing options for this vehicle if an outright purchase is difficult. I’d much rather support those who are genuinely in need — as many of us did when the son was injured — vs someone who wants to guilt people into offsetting her expenses years later.
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Wow. Chutzpah is right. I’m sort of with Neil that ignoring it is the best course of action. A small part of me also agrees with Abgeorge, though I’m not sure sarcasm ultimately works well because it can bounce back on you when you least expect it. My vote is to ignore, knowing that “C” will be well taken care of. – Marty
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I’m staying with “ignore” and feel that sarcasm would be wasted on this person. Thanks, Marty — I appreciate your comments! Alisa
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Here’s another take on this. Are you still in touch with the son, maybe outreach to him directly to see how he is doing. He may not even be aware of the Go Fund me that his mother has set up as I can’t imagine them not pursuing other avenues such as insurance, community organizations and immediate family to cover this cost.
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That’s an interesting thought. I’m not in touch with him, and I don’t think my son is either, but the mother signed his name to the email so I assume he is aware. The last I heard, he was happy and doing well.
I agree that there must be resources to help, even if they don’t cover 100% of the cost. Perhaps she’s gotten so used to asking for donations over the years that it no longer seems inappropriate.
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I would reply dearest always be the better person as I know you are
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