Armed with gloves, Purell and facemasks, we sallied forth this morning to explore the dangerous terrain of a grocery store. Terra incognita for over a month, we’d finally caved to the need for items beyond Amazon’s ability to deliver.
First, a great deal of strategy was required. The store needed to be overpriced and inconveniently located, so as to attract the fewest customers. The shopping list needed to be air tight, with no room for impulse buys or backtracking through aisles already traveled. All equipment needed to be checked in advance for pinholes through which sneaky microbes might invade. Sanitizer needed to be at the ready. Ditto, credit card… no fumbling for cash.
Upon arrival, we spotted a few other intrepid souls, all great distances apart and moving cautiously. We carefully stalked the produce section, standing well back to furtively scan the available items before plunging into the fray. While no one seemed interested in artichokes, we did note a mysterious convergence in the imported cheese section. Pasta was also dangerously populated and best avoided.
For approximately the price of a skydiving session, we completed our daring expedition and emerged triumphant with empty wallets and a full cart. I, for one, am exhausted by all this exertion and plan to take to my couch with the vapors.
As the famous Earl Nightingale quote has it: “Wherever there is danger, there lurks opportunity; whenever there is opportunity, there lurks danger.” Hopefully, the crisis will be resolved soon. There’s only so much excitement I can tolerate.