Wanna bet? Here are some of my favorites:
“Does it hurt?” I’m in the emergency room with blood pouring out of me. What do you think?
“Did you find everything?” If I’m already at the register, what do you suggest if I didn’t? Alternatively, “Did you find everything you were looking for?” Such as world peace, thinner thighs, true love, the hair I used to have??
“Would you like fries with that?” Duh.
“Have you eaten here before?” Unless the restaurant is wildly different from any other restaurant, what possible difference could it make?
“Would anyone care for a cocktail?” Do we LOOK like teetotalers?
“Is everything wonderful?” Usually asked when your mouth is full. If you haven’t sent it back, it’s probably fine. Possibly not worthy of superlatives, but edible.
“Does this make me look fat?” There is only one possible answer.
“Do you love me?” Again, only one possible answer.
“Do you have any regrets?” Who, past the age of 8, hasn’t done something they regret?
“Am I your first?” This one’s a trap, folks. Yes means you’re a naïve innocent nobody wanted before; no means you’re a slut.
“Your place or mine?” Yours — because if you’re a dud I can go home. If we’re at my place I might never get rid of you.
“Do you want to know a secret?” With all due respect to The Beatles, who doesn’t? Similarly, “What’s the worst thing you’ve ever done?” Why on earth would I tell you that?
“Is it mine?” We’re both white and the baby’s black. What are the odds?
Which leads me to…
Check out this link. I particularly like “How am I sure I’m the real mom of my kid?” The writer is asking because the baby doesn’t look like her but looks like her husband; she’s scared he was cheating on her with another woman. You have to read it to believe it.
This one’s funny, too.
What are your favorite dumb questions? (Besides this one.)